— Nancy (Nayeon) Kwon Y11 Mulchat —
30th Sept. 2016.
I spent years going around different houses, that seemed to care for me at first, but slowly gave up as I never attempted to communicate with them. I didn’t want to talk, nor did I wish to reveal my inner feelings to them. Because they never learned my name, they called me ‘Merry’, hoping that I would one day be as cheerful as how they would call me.
Then one day, I got taken to a house with two other kids. They were both boys, older than me, who had come to our ‘caretaker’s home’ due to their lack of tolerance. I never liked their smirks. They seemed to be hiding something from me. I could never trust them and could never like them, especially after what they did that to me.
I was sleeping in my bed, when one of the boys came up to me. He woke me up and told me that the other boy was in trouble and needed help. He talked to me so serenely and so sweetly, that I could not ignore him. I followed him down to their room at the end of the corridor, far away from my own room. I walked in, and he locked the door behind me.
I didn’t take care of that fact, as I stared at the other boy, who didn’t seem to be unwell at all. He seemed fine. Completely okay. I tried to turn around and get out, angry that they lied to me. I couldn’t believe the fact that they locked the room, so I tried to open the door that wouldn’t even budge.
They slowly walked up to me. Their eyes were glowing bright in the darkness. Their teeth were shining white between their wicked smiles. They grabbed me by my nightshirt collar, and threw me onto the bed. The bed creaked as I flew into it. The white sheet and covers were wrinkled. Those beasts lunged into me.
The rest of the night was full of pain. An agonising, burning sensation filled my innards as they took me down to hell.
I want to get out. Let me out. Let me out of this hell! Please!
My screams of agony were unheard. They were muffled up in the gag that they placed in my mouth as they used me. It was torture. I did not have a clue on what they were doing, I have never learnt what it was. What I did know was that it was painful. It felt as though I was losing myself in a mist that hid my presence, taking me down into a deadly swamp that swallows everything that comes near it.
I couldn’t do anything about it. I had to give up in the end when all my energy left me. Every part of my limbs were aching, bitterly and brutally dismantled after that experience.
I felt nausea and disgust. I lost myself in the misery. My personal hell lasted all night.
The next morning, I couldn’t do anything. They moved me to my bed after I lost consciousness. I woke up shivering uncontrollably. I couldn’t believe what they had done to me. But as I tried to run out to tell my foster parents, I got blocked by a wall of human bodies.
They grabbed me by the shoulder, one standing on each side, and whispered in my ears, the words that are still echoing in my head.
Don’t even think about telling anyone. If you do, we are going to find you, and kill you, wherever you are in this world. Understood?
They made gestures of neck-slicing in front of my face, and punched me hard on my stomach.
It truly hurt. I nodded my head, unable to object to their power and brutality, remembering the pain that they gave me last night. Their smirks, their gestures, their traces in every part of my body took me back to that horrible memory. I couldn’t do anything about it.
I calmed myself down with a shower. My body was shivering from the fear. I didn’t know what was going on and could not imagine what I was supposed to do in this situation. All I could do was follow their commands, night after night, in order to survive.
I cried during the day, grieving my sanity, and cried during the night by the pain they gave me. Their nights of pleasure, and mine with uncontrollable despair passed by.
Please. Please don’t do this to me. I beg you. I don’t want to feel this. I don’t want this. I never wanted this at all! I was just trying to help you. Why did you lie? Why are you giving me this pain? Get off me. Please. I don’t want this.